Jealousy is an ugly green monster which preys on each one of us at different points of our lives. A closer look at the situations of jealousy will reveal that it has its own set of varieties, and of course solutions.
It is often heard that, love is sharp and hate is sharper, but jealousy is the sharpest as it is love and hate at the same time. It is an emotion which creates negativity, and feelings of fear, anxiety, and insecurity. Jealousy is defined as a protective reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship, arising from a situation in which the partner’s involvement with an activity and/or another person is contrary to the jealous person’s definition of their relationship. Often envy is stated as a synonym of jealousy but on a closer look, you will realize that envy is in fact a subset of jealousy.
Jealousy is an imperfect blend of sadness, anger, disgust, and resentment. It has destroyed many perfect relationships and caused huge emotional distress to the jealous person as well as his family or friends. Extreme cases of jealousy have even been a cause for murders and suicides. Jealousy is one of the most common human emotions and is experienced by either genders. It is not culture specific and shows its presence from the age of 6 months onward.
Differences in Jealousy by its Origin
As per a study conducted in the year 1989 by Paul Mullen and Gregory White, there are supposed to be three different classes of jealousy, namely: Pathological (surfacing out of sensitive experiences and personality disorders), Normal (due to no particular psychological problem or mental sensitivity), and Symptomatic (caused due to nervous system problems such as schizophrenia, paranoid disorders and organic brain disorders).
Common Types of Jealousy
Jealousy from Romance
It is the most common and frequent type of jealousy. There is a sense of security in the relationship if love is reciprocated from the partner. However, if the relationship creates insecurity and vulnerability in the mind, then a feeling of fear and jealousy gets germinated. Then, there’s a constant fear of losing one’s importance in the relationship. Some people experience severe jealousy whenever a new and attractive person comes in contact with their partner.
Jealousy at Workplace
This is a commonly observed jealousy occurring between colleagues and subordinates at a workplace. It is often known to crop up when there is a lack of appreciation for the work, and efforts made by an employee. Often, there is a general feeling of jealousy and resentment between colleagues with similar job profiles, when only one of them gets promoted, or gets a pay hike. This creates a feeling of disappointment and jealousy in the heart of an employee.
This type of jealousy is often mistaken as romantic, but one must remember that there is a thin line of difference between the two. This jealousy can most commonly be seen in friendships, when one fears losing a friend to a more interesting or friendly person. The emotional attachment with your own friend is so much that you can’t imagine them with someone else. Platonic jealousy was aptly shown in the popular comic books called ‘Archie’ wherein both Betty and Veronica try to vie Archie.
Jealousy Amongst Siblings
Sibling rivalry is commonly seen in families across the world. There is a general sense of competition amongst children to be their parent’s favorite child. There is a display of jealousy on arrival of a new sibling, on being made to share favorite toys, clothes, or other facilities, on being showered lesser attention, and experiencing lesser love than siblings, on experiencing a negative comparison made between siblings by parents or even when a sibling is smarter or more talented than another.
It is a baseless kind of a jealousy triggered by no possible reasons except psychological problems such as delusions, paranoia or schizophrenia, etc. Under some extreme cases of abnormal jealousy, a person is known to display immaturity and insecurity along with a controlling nature. Such people tend to assume that their family members, friends and partners are unfaithful to them.
How to Control Jealousy
Except for some psychological cases like those of abnormal jealousy, it is possible to curtail and gradually control jealousy problem. It requires initiative and full support from the person facing the problem as well as his loved ones. The person himself should learn to accept the existence of such a problem and learn to control it. If there is some irrational fear and display of over-possessiveness then the same can be controlled by gentle reassurances of love and understanding by loved ones.
Sibling jealousy can be provoked on account of actual treatment of discrimination given by parents or due to feelings of insecurity experienced by siblings. Parents are advised to deal with this problem in a positive way as soon as it is detected, else sibling rivalry can have some serious effects and cause a lifelong rift and tension between siblings.
When dealing with workplace jealousy, it is advised to be professional and approach your seniors and demand a recheck of your appraisal. You may give a thorough presentation about the contributions that you made for the company during the whole year. Nowadays, organizations are being forced to apply scientific methods of appraisal systems so as to create a fairness in appraisal. The methods applied have helped justify the appraisal results and reduce jealousy between colleagues.
So why sulk about your fate and get jealous of others? Love yourself and be assured about your capabilities. Give life your best shot and before your know it, things will start falling in place.