Is your married life taking an ugly turn because of the green monster? Are you not able to deal with being in an open marriage, with insecurities haunting and spoiling each day? Jealousy in a non-committed relationship is a common thing, and can be dealt with, with some effort.
Jealousy is an intense negative emotion that can spoil the relationship and the mindset of the person. Some people tend to experience more jealousy than others, while some lucky ones do not feel it at all. Coming to open relationships, they, to a certain extent defeat the purpose of having deep-rooted beliefs in love and relationships.
In an open relationship, you can never expect the ‘Romeo and Juliet’ kind of romance. Open relationships are far from conventional relationships, where feelings like possessiveness, love for only one person, etc., are least expected.
Sexual relationships are mutually permissible in an open marriage, though the couple can limit them by framing ground rules that both the partners have to follow. Open relationships have their own share of controversies and advantages; with many people not approving of the kind of relation. The alliance will be successful only if both the partners get along well and happily accept the status of their relationship.
Managing Jealousy in an Open Marriage
Jealousy is difficult to manage, be it any relationship. It leads to fights, insecurities, and fear, which eventually disturbs the chemistry between the partners. Moreover, it is prevalent more in marriage than in any relationship. This is because, marriage of any kind brings changes in the relation.
The green-eyed monster troubles an open marriage when one partner is having a relationship, and the other one does not have anyone to look forward to. An issue cannot be raised out of this all of a sudden because it can lead to more fights. If steps forward in managing jealousy are not taken, the relationship will die a slow death. Speaking out about the ground rules with your partner will help you in taming the green monster.
The feeling has the power to push the person into a depression like state. A person who has experienced jealousy knows what it feels like – you start to hate and love the person equally, you want him/her in your life, but sometimes you feel like ending it all. Then there are fights, internal conflicts, and the feeling of being ignored. If you confront your partner about his/her ‘other’ relationships, you cannot always expect a kind and loving gesture. It being an open marriage, your husband/wife has all the rights to date or have sexual relations with others.
Being in an open relationship is not easy. So what should be your ideal steps in dealing with jealousy? If your partner loves you and you share a wonderful chemistry with him/her, you don’t need to worry about it. Just be accepting to the fact that it is an open relationship and you have to live with it. You need to affirm yourself that it was your decision to get into an open marriage, and nothing can change it now. You obviously favor an open relationship because you are in it. It is thus a temporary feeling, which you can counter by taking a few positive steps.
If you aren’t able to deal with it yourself, do not hesitate to talk about it with your partner. Depending on the case and the triggers, you can discuss the ground rules with your partner. You might find it hard to accept the closeness your partner shares with someone else, but be open to bond with the new person and you will notice the difference in your married life.
The basis of an open relationship is enjoying life with as many people and spreading your love (this is how people in open relationships sometimes affirm their being in an open relation). This is one positive way to look at it. Thus talking about it with your partner will help you, and you will find, being in an open relationship ‘worth it’ again. You can confront your partner if you are feeling ignored because of him/her spending more time with the other person.
Jealousy is hard to defeat, and requires a great amount of patience to get over. You can surely beat this feeling, if you make yourself more ‘open and willing’ to experience the relationship you have chosen. For open relationships or marriages to work, both the partners need to have a deep mutual understanding and should be more like friends than lovers.