Abrasive Personality

Here's What You Gotta Know About People With an Abrasive Personality

Have you met an abrasive person whose constant complaining has annoyed you to the point that you have turned hostile towards him/her? If yes, then you should learn more about what this personality is in the following article.
PsycholoGenie Staff
Last Updated: Mar 12, 2018
Upset man and frustrated woman at kitchen
It so happened that I met two completely different people, yet similar, when I landed with my first job. I thought of these women as good colleagues, who were there to help others and always ready to be there for friends. But gradually, I became averse to their company and their presence began to annoy me. I found them to be too aggressive and completely draining me out of energy in a subtle, but obvious manner. They were intimidating for everyone around them and were sarcastic, arrogant, and argumentative. Wherever they went, they made a peaceful environment tense. This behavior is termed as an abrasive, and is a sub-type of passive aggressive personality disorder.
What is an Abrasive Personality?
An abrasive person is someone who is a good worker, but extremely ambitious in nature. These people are pushing themselves over the bridge just to achieve their ambitions. These people are never able to achieve what they desire, and so, get frustrated. They become angry and upset, and control becomes a priority for them. They begin to turn into over-controlling monsters and are not ready to accept the responsibility for any problems may create in interpersonal relationships.
They constantly blame others for their problems and like to hear their own voice. They have to challenge everything other people say. They develop a tendency to annoy people around them that creates a hostile feeling for them in the mind of the person they annoy. This leads to enmity and bad relationships. They are there to suck out everything pleasant in your life. There are many types of abrasive personalities that you may observe around you. The following paragraphs will help you learn some of the traits of these people.
Characteristics
  • Let me explain this trait according to my experience with one of my abrasive colleagues. She constantly blamed others for her misery or problems. She never felt anything was her fault and would always complain that something/someone had spoiled her mood. She never took up the responsibility for problems in her life, and if something ever went right for her, she would wait for the next problem to crop up so that she could begin her cribbing all over again.
  • The person goes on complaining about anything and everything to you. This person will keep bothering you with his/her financial woes, family troubles, relationship problems, etc. You soon find yourself being forced to turn into an Agony Aunt. You are constantly bombarded with negative vibes, which takes a toll on you. The center of every talk is always the person with this problem as he/she wants to remain the center of every conversation.
  • An abrasive individual is the biggest party pooper ever. He/she is out there to suck the life out of you. He/she is in constant need of your help, and will call you for guidance or advice for anything and everything under the sun. There is no problem in asking help from friends, but an abrasive person will have his/her entire life problems thrust on your shoulders. His/her problems become yours and this person will never consider the effects this has on you.
  • This is what I saw in the other abrasive colleague of mine. She was ready to pin one down, make fun of others, and even their ideas or personal relationships. She often crossed her boundaries and it seemed as if she enjoyed hurting the self-esteem of others. And on top of it, she would make one feel that her criticism was for their own good. She was the kind of person that made you think twice about your own level of sanity. She waited for a chance to pounce on people and take up a point to nag and laugh about it for weeks on end. In a nutshell, she was a sadist.
  • Such an individual is bound to challenge everything you say or want to do. He/she will put up arguments that are strong and will find faults with everything. He /she will exhaust you during a discussion and make you want to give in and surrender.
  • I feel a bit of gossiping is good for health, as it helps relieve stress and helps you know people better. But, in case of people with an abrasive personality, their sole existence is based on gossips. This was one trait I saw strongly in both my colleagues. They spoke caustically about anyone and everyone. They would gather bits and pieces from others and come up with their own versions of gossips. They survived on the latest scoops. But, one thing noticeable was that they rarely spoke about themselves or their personal lives. Everybody's private business was their business, but no one knew anything about their private lives. These people gossip to cover up their lack of relationships. When they talk about you, they are actually talking about themselves. Their failure in personal relationships is exhibited by their way of thinking. Be sure that when they talk to you about someone, they must surely be talking about you to someone else.
  • These people want to have their own way all the time. They will ruin a completely organized event by forcing others to follow their way. They will continue to argue that they are correct and that their requests should be considered first. For example, you may be waiting in a line to get yourself vaccinated. The organizers may have decided not to make any old people wait in the long line. They decide to send in any old person visiting after every 10 people waiting in the line. Every one is happy about the arrangement and no one minds the old people jumping the line. Yet, someone will turn up and insist that the old person they are accompanying be taken in first. They will not listen to the organizers that the senior citizen should be taken in after every 10 people in the line. They will fight against the so-called injustice and claim that everyone in the world is insensitive. This way, they will spoil an entirely well-organized event and turn it into a horrifying experience.
  • These people are ambitious, but they lack the capability to achieve all their dreams. This frustrates them and they become aggressive to hide their failures. They may look like they are good at starting conversations and are good communicators, but in reality their constant talk is a way to mask their frustration.

You must be wondering what happened to the two abrasive ladies at my workplace. They continued to behave as they always did, and even after counseling by the head of the department, they did not show much improvement. They were firmly told that their behavior was unexpected and they should mend their ways or leave.
In personal relationships, you may come across friends or partners with this problem. All you can do is trying to counsel them in a gentle and caring way. Explain it to them that their abrasiveness is hurting you and the others around them. If you do not see much change, all you can do is leave them for good. If you cannot break off your ties with them, all you can do is find a way to handle them and learn a way to control your life. You need to decrease contact with them and keep your relations platonic. Friends are there to make life easy, but if someone makes your life miserable, you should not consider them as friends.