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Passive Aggressive Husband

Learn How to Recognize and Handle a Passive Aggressive Husband

Living with a passive aggressive husband can cause emotional as well as psychological problems to a woman. Here are the traits of such men and tips on how you can deal with them.
Deepa Kartha
Last Updated: Mar 12, 2018
Passive aggressive is a term that is not very commonly known by people, as letting out anger in a passive way is not something that people think is actually possible. Most people consider that anger is something that can be let out only by shouting, yelling, or through physical violence. However, this is not true and most of us may have come across passive aggressive people at one point or the other in our lives without actually realizing it. This is because such men have a charming and caring facade which hides their true nature. With this charming exterior, they are also able to attract women towards them. However, the true nature of such men will come up sometime or the other in a relationship. It is difficult to actually diagnose the problem as they let out their anger in a passive and subtle manner. They do it so tactfuly that their partners start thinking that the problem is actually with them. This can be truly frustrating, hence it is important to know the traits of a passive aggressive husband.
Recognizing a Passive Aggressive Personality
The passive aggressive personality disorder can be caused due to genetic, biological, as well as environmental problems. Usually, such people have been conditioned to not show their anger openly. Though they learn to do this, they find other, more subtle ways to let out their frustration. Women who have lived with such spouses have said that such relationships can be emotionally draining, as it is a marriage not based on love, trust, or respect. If you think you are in a similar situation, here are some traits that you ought to know.
The passive aggressive man is a person who has the fear of depending on others. Though these men want to be in a relationship, they do not want to be totally dependent on their partner. Due to this, they try to control their partner in an indirect way. They do not like to be alone, but at the same time, do not want to compromise on their independence either. Due to this, they also reject intimacy as well as sharing their true thoughts with their partner. They think that they will become vulnerable if their partner knows their thoughts. Hence, though they project themselves as a loving and caring husbands, they find a way to be away from their spouse. For instance, the moment they think that they are getting closer to you, they will do something to go away from you, like may be abstaining from sex by making false excuses.
Another trait that is commonly seen in passive aggressive men is forgetfulness. However, it is not that they actually forget something, but it is just their way of avoiding any kind of responsibility. When asked to do a household job, like picking up groceries while returning from work, these men will say yes. However, they will not do it in the end, giving an excuse that they simply forgot. In the same way, it is quite usual for such an individual to forget his partner's birthday, their wedding anniversary, etc., as a means of punishing her for something she did that he did not like.
Apart from this, obstructionism is also another trait of such men. Overtly, they will promise to do something that their partner wants them to do. However, they will make sure that her needs and desires are not fulfilled. Moreover, when their partner questions them about it, they would also have the ability to make her feel that she is demanding too much.
Blaming is also another trait that comes naturally to a passive aggressive man. In his mind, he can never be wrong and will always have a reason or a person on whom he can put his blame. He considers himself to be faultless, and whatever situation he finds himself in is caused by another person. Due to this, if the wife confronts him or breaks the relationship due to his behavior, he will never accept his mistake and will find ways to make sure that she pays for making such a decision.
Once you get to know the traits, the next step is to know how to deal with this problem. The answer to this question is not very direct. By the time a woman realizes this, she is mentally and emotionally drained. Women who want to save their marriage can go to a counselor, who can help in finding ways to deal with such husbands. However, one thing every woman must understand is that it is not an easy task to change a person's personality and attitude.
Counseling your husband can be effective in bringing a change in him, but only if he realizes and accepts that there is some problem with him. Nevertheless, if you do not find any difference in your husband's attitude and do not think he is likely to change, it will be best to opt for legal separation to save yourself from the emotional trauma of living with a man who has passive aggressive personality disorder.
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