There are patterns of how we get attached to people. Due to the remarkable efforts of two psychiatrists, John Bowlby - the pioneer of attachment theory and Sigmund Freud, we can get extremely interesting insights on how adults and children develop bonds with others. Most of these are based on parental relationships. Now, this theory has to be understood first, and only then we can understand the ways in which people attach themselves to others.
- According to Bowlby, attachment is a lasting connectedness between human beings. The theory is based on the same.
- It is a theory having a combination of psychological, ethological, and evolutionary theories related to relationships between people.
- The cardinal tenet of this theory is that a child in his or her early age requires to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver. That is necessary for natural emotional and social development.
- Infant behavior basically looks out for closeness with a loving figure. They get attached to those, who are sensitive and responsive towards them.
- A concept of secure base was put forth by Mary Ainsworth, and on the basis of that, she developed certain patterns in infants, which can be listed as secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment.
- The disorganized pattern came later in the picture. From that developed two major divisions - secure and insecure.
There are two main traits observed here mainly in adults. These patterns mostly do not correspond to their styles as kids.
- People, who have this kind of style strive for a high level of independence.
- That overwhelming desire to be independent manifests as avoiding attachment totally.
- It is no wonder that such individuals do not look out for a lot of intimacy with their partners.
- The reason is that they view themselves less positively than others.
- These individuals perceive themselves as self-sufficient and unfettered with feelings connected to being attached with someone.
- A typical trait is that they have a tendency to hide and suppress their emotions and feelings.
- If you ask a person whether he is uncomfortable with getting close to others, and if he agrees, then he has this particular trait.
- These individuals tend to be confused or have a mixed feeling about developing close relationships.
- They worry about getting hurt after getting close to others.
- The dilemma pops up, when the person has the desire to have an emotionally-close relationship, but he feels uncomfortable with the emotional closeness.
- Such people find it hard to trust the intentions of their partners.
- They suppress and hide their feelings as well.
The crux is that a relational scheme is formed regarding each pattern of interaction occurring regularly between partners. That scheme includes information about yourself, information about the partner, and information about the way the interaction usually unfolds.
According to research and studies on this by behavioral psychologists, the anxious, preoccupied style in adults tallies with the anxious or ambivalent style in children. On the other hand, the dismissive and fearful avoidant attachment styles distinctly observed in adults equate with a single style in children. After reading this, you would know what drives the way we manage the proximity in different relationships.